Brave

There are days that are etched into my memory. August 30, 2018 is one of those days. I got up early that morning prepared to go take a shower to get ready for a blood transfusion when I noticed something. Clumps of my hair was falling out in rapidly. This was one of those moments that I really broke down. I knew this day was coming; however, I wanted to pretend that it wouldn’t happen to me. I could and would beat the odds and not lose my hair. Yet I was wrong.

That morning I remember trying to style my hair afraid to even touch it because every time I touched it massive clumps would fall out. But what was I to do? Maybe if I ignored it, then it wouldn’t actually be falling out, just maybe… I kept rationalizing this in my head.

Over the next few days I kept to myself. Afraid of what was to come. My hair was continuing to fall out rapidly even when I wasn’t touching it. On Saturday, September 1st I reached my breaking point. My mom prepared to run to the store asked me if I wanted to join her. My response was, “No. I’m afraid to leave the house. My hair keeps falling out.” But then I thought there is no need for me to sit around the house by myself, sure I’ll go. I got up from my father’s recliner and as I did, I realized my shoulders were covered in a massive amount of hair. It. Was. Everywhere!

I grabbed my camera, set it up, and mom began to cut. I kept hearing, “Once you shave your head, you’re going to feel liberated.” I didn’t feel liberated, I felt relief. That day I have set my camera up to film like I had a 100x before; however, this is the only time that it didn’t fully focus. I never once got upset about this. In-fact I fully believe a higher power had something to do with this.  In seven minutes, Episode 5 titled Brave chronicles this experience. First there was shock, there were tears, and then there was acceptance.

 

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